Voices of the Past

Winning Miss Nellie

Miss Ellen (Nelly) Marcy was considered to be the catch of the East Coast in the mid and late 1850’s.  Her father was a renowned army captain who saw his daughter as his prized achievement. From his posts on the frontier in Texas and elsewhere, he wrote a plethora of letters to her seeking to guide her development, and nowhere was this more important than in the selection of a marriage partner.

By all accounts, Nelly was the sweetest, most agreeable young woman imaginable. Intelligent, kind, and skilled at making everyone feel welcome, she was also a beauty and a faithful Christian. Young businessmen and military officers alike flocked to pay her court.

An army man himself, her father warned her against falling in love with a military man, especially if he were an officer in the field. Such a man would be gone for months or years on end, leaving her alone back east, or even worse, the man might try to bring her to the frontier itself, exposing her to the dangers and rugged, hard living.

Instead, Marcy wanted his daughter to be socially ambitious and marry up on the social ladder. He also wanted her to be well provided for.  He thought he’d found a good prospect in 1854 when his daughter was eighteen: Lieutenant George McClellan, one of the most promising engineers in the army and not a field officer. McClellan, who had been known as a boy genius at West Point, came from a very well-placed Philadelphia family. Marcy decided that in McClellan’s case, he’d be willing to make an exception to the “no army men clause.”

McClellan fell hard for the beautiful, charming young woman the first time he laid eyes on her, and confident man that he was, he felt assured of victory. He wrote to her mother and declared his intentions. Her father had already encouraged his pursuit, and the mother quickly joined McClellan’s fan club. Unfortunately for McClellan, Nelly wasn’t having it. He was a charming young officer who was fine as a friend, but she felt no spark.

Impetuous, McClellan rushed to propose after a short acquaintance, and he received a flat no. After many attempts to persuade Nelly differently and after numerous letters to her mother, he gained no ground. Nelly wouldn’t write to him, and he was now stationed in Florida. After a year of making no headway, he backed off from pursuit, but his heart still belonged to Nelly.

In the meantime, McClellan’s roommate from West Point, Lieutenant A.P. Hill, a lady’s man, met Nelly and fell in love. This time, the feeling was mutual, much to Mr. and Mrs. Marcy’s chagrin. Hill was a field officer bound to spend many years on the frontier, and his family background was only mediocre, not the crème of society.

When Nelly accepted Hill’s proposal, her parents were livid. Her father wrote that she had greatly disappointed him and that his strong love for her might turn to hate if she didn’t come to her senses. Basically, he said she’d have to choose between Hill and him.

Her mother wasn’t much better, except she went on the attack against Hill. She learned that in his wild youth, ten years before, he’d stopped in New York City on his way back to West Point and contracted a venereal disease. She spread this information about the social circles of Washington. She even wrote McClellan, who was serving in Europe at the time, with the information, but he reprimanded her and stood up for his old roommate.

Nelly eventually gave in to her parents’ bullying and broke off her engagement. A year later, Hill found someone else and eventually married.

The years passed. McClellan left the army and became a vice president of the Illinois Central Railroad. And Nellie continued to be the fairest of many balls, pursuing a multitude of gentleman callers hoping to win her affection and hand and her father’s approval.

In March 1858, four years after his failed proposal, McClellan managed to strike up a correspondence with Nellie. Her father had led a dangerous but successful rescue mission out west in Utah, and McClellan wrote to her, commending her father. Thus began their relationship via pen and paper, he in Chicago and she in Washington. Hope was reborn. Nellie wrote to him as a friend, in a sisterly fashion, and he took matters slowly this time, with no rash proposals. However, he assured her he was her longest and most ardent admirer.

Eighteen months later, he had a chance to see her. Nellie and her mother planned to travel to St. Paul to spend the winter with her father. McClellan invited them to stop in Chicago for a couple of days and stay with him. They accepted.

When it was time for mother and daughter to head on to St. Paul, McClellan offered his private train car for their travel, and he joined them for their journey. He had never stopped loving her. There had been no one else in all of this time, and he wasn’t about to let the woman of his dreams slip away without giving his all to win her as his wife.

He proposed on the second day of the train ride, and she accepted.  His persistence, faithfulness, and enduring love had eventually won her hand. And I believe her heart, as well.

During their short engagement, he wrote to her: “Nelly whatever the future may have in store for me you will be the chief actor in the play… A heart so pure as yours, a mind so bright as yours– to gain these is better than to gain an empire. You are my empire.”

In their twenty-five years of marriage, it is said that they wrote daily to each other when apart, and she stood by him through his successes and failures in the years to come, including his rise to Major General and being the appointed Commander of the Army of the Potomac and General in Chief of all the Federal armies during the early years of the Civil War to his eventual removal from command. 

Source:  Waugh, John C. The Class of 1846: From West Point to Appomattox. Warner Books, 1994.